Phillip Agnew - “This is my tome to 2013; my poem to the year of my dreams”

By Phillip Agnew

For 364 days, at least, I found myself in a constant state of conflict.

Almost daily my alarm clock awoke me at the corner of a crossroad: asking that I decide … And every day I oscillated away.

I was readiness & unsteadiness, joy & sadness,

deletion & depletion, Completion;

I was cool confidence in a cracked case.

I was the reluctant leader, the forlorn follower.

I was a horrible mentor, a deplorable mentee.

Always kept it together, rarely kept in touch.

I was here, there, everywhere and no where.

I longed for home and grew restless for the road.

I moved too fast and proceeded with much caution.

I served and rarely felt deserving.

I was selfishly selfless.

I spread love and squandered it.

I sailed in the sure serenity of certainty & in the swaying seas of insecurity.

Found purpose, missed calls.

I sparred with Self.

Battled with Me & I and

Eyes wept:

Tears of joy from my right,

Tears of loss from my left.

I was introduced to some old friends.

I lost contact, made excuses

I felt full of empty sometimes.

I decided to be indecisive.

I was spontaneous when I planned to be.

I longed, liked, and left.

I felt guilty for having a good time.

I expended endless amounts of energy.

Eager to exceed external expectations,

I ended up abandoning internal ones.

Effortlessly executed

trapeze tricks while tiptoeing the tightrope. no trouble.

Tried to rodeo the uncontrollable. Still can’t juggle.

I felt too old,

And felt too young too.

I missed some of the old times,

And some of the new ones too.

I disappointed myself. I astonished myself.

I felt the weight of the World: in my palms and my arms.

I jumped at opportunities,

I mis-timed some leaps of faith.

I felt Big in the Big Times and small in the small ones.

(And it’s all about the small ones)….

I watched my words and bit off more than I could chew.

I went to an emotional island, with few ferries, from or to…

I saw miracles.

I saw the alchemy of anger catalyzed to action.

I saw evolution, transformation, and a rising revolution.

I saw the country catch fire, clenched fists of collective fury.

Scholars students and artists in communal catharis.

Children unchained. Hearts opened. Lines drawn.

I felt blessings pour down from the Heaven inside us.

I saw Light consume Darkness whole.

I watched us construct a collective future in 2 minutes.

I watched Power build, grow, and Shift.

I write this…

Feeling better.

Filled to the brim with anxiety and anticipation.

This is my tome to 2013. My poem to the year of my dreams.

To my season of Resolution fever; turning fears to Ether.

The writer in me says it was the best of times & the worst of times,

My intuition tells me I haven’t seen enough of either.

2014 is Ours.

Phillip Agnew is the Director of Dream Defenders. You can keep up with him on Twitter @PhilofDreams_.